Disappointed, Dilemma, Detached
DisappointedToday's my birthday! I'm now 21. I should feel really ecstatic and excited that I've finally reached this number right? But I don't...My mother suggested that my siblings and I go to a buffet at a Royal Scotts Plaza? I'm too sure of the place. I wasn't really expecting anything on my birthday because here, birthdays are celebrated by taking a picture and giving presents between family members only. But I guess my mother recognised the significance of turning 21. So I was actually looking forward to the buffet. My sister was all for it too because she loves to eat. But my brother wasn't game. I didn't really try to force him to come along because if he says he doesn't want to go, then leave him alone because he'll only destroy the happy mood. And besides, he doesn't really get that turning 21 is something big.Since it was only now my sister and I, I didn't want to go to the buffet anymore. I mean, 2 of us? So, I suggested that we go eat at Secret Recipe or one of the restaurants at Marina Square or Plaza Singapura. But my sister wasn't willing to go to places that "far". The furthest she was willing to travel to was the airport, which has Swensens. I got so pissed at her for saying that to me. It is my birthday. I get to choose where I want to enjoy my time at, not you. I didn't want to burden my mother with my complaints because she's already under a lot of pressure and stress(which I won't mention here). But since it is my 21st birthday, and since I won't be going out to enjoy my birthday, I asked her whether I could get a watch. She's promised me that if I was accepted into one of our local universities, she would buy me one of those thousand dollar watches. But since I was rejected, I never got the watch. So I was hoping that she would get me one (but not that pricy), or at least give me the cash so that I could go get the watch because as I've said, she's very stressed out and very busy so I didn't want to drag her to places here and there. Bottomline is that she agreed, but we'll have to see what kind of watch I'll pick.The lack of events isn't the whole reason why I'm feeling down on my 21st birthday. The next part is in Dilemma.DilemmaAs you've read in my previous post, I was given a permanent class by Mendaki, teaching English to Sec 1 and 2 express. The lesson didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I discovered that I didn't know how to teach English. I know how to use the tenses but I don't know the terms because they all come instinctively to me. So how do I explain to them how to use those tenses? When I tried to "explain" to them, I wasn't even making sense to myself!So throughout the weekend, I was actually freaking myself out because I kept telling myself that I do not know how to teach English. I tried to find another way to teach, but couldn't. By Sunday, I'd already given up and decided that I'd call Mendaki to tell them that I can't teach those classes. But on Sunday night, my cousin came. She's a teacher, teaching English to Sec 1, 3 and 4 classes. She started explaining to me how to teach them. I felt a little bit relieved but still doubted my ability to actually put what she told me into practice. That night itself, I started to come up with a lesson plan and I felt a little bit more relieved. But the temptation to just call Mendaki still remained. And it lasted until today, and even now as I'm typing this down. But at least now, I feel a bit more optimistic after I've talked to my cousin and developed a lesson plan, which is still in need of some work.Today, as I made my way to Stansfield College with my mother, to collect my original certs, I was thinking of the point of me taking up a degree in English when I couldn't even teach it. Also, my "teacher" cousin told me that MOE only accepts degrees that are approved by them. And Stansfield is not one of them. When I heard it, it was like a major blow because the main reason I wanted to take the degree was because I wanted to try out for teaching again.DetachedThe fact that my family "abandoned" me on what is the most important day of anybody's life, and the fact that I was running through negative thoughts about my ability to teach English and the point of me even taking a degree in English, especially since I can't explain shit to the students, made me feel detached for most of today. Oh, and let's not forget that Stansfield is not recognised by MOE. This has got be the worst birthday of my life!But during our bus ride back home from Stansfield, my mother managed to comfort me somewhat. She told me of the other options of having this degree. It may not be approved by MOE, but it's still recognised in Singapore. And what if I like my job and don't want to go to NIE? I can still give tuition. As for Mendaki, she told me to continue because this is a challenge for me. You can't expect things to be easy all the time. I have received advice, and I can always ask for more, and I have my lesson plan. So just put those 2 together and give it a shot.Despite being so busy and stressed out, my mother is still able to put her problems away so that she can soothe mine away. After all the things that she's been through, she still remains strong and resilient. Words can't describe how much I love her.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
12:12 PM
Some (good?) news
I mentioned in my previous post that MOM called me for an interview for the position of MSO right? Well, they sent me an e-mail for the details of the interview, and it turns out that they actually want me to sit for an interview for TSO, which is Workplace Safety and Health Inspector. I thought they made a mistake or something. So, I called them and they told me that after reviewing my resume, they felt that WSHI is more suitable for me.My father had initially discouraged me from becoming a safety officer because it's a rough job, especially for a woman. He said that workers usually find them a nuisance because you go in there just to tell them their mistakes. But after learning that I had an interview with MOM, he told me to go for it because you'll be under the government. If you're from a private firm, they will treat you like trash, but if you're under the government, they'll be scared of you. So now, I feel much more relieved and I feel more determined to do well in the interview.Then, just yesterday, the police called me because I had applied for the position of MSO. And they want me to come for an interview on the 10th this month. I feel like, wow...things are really looking up for me. But I don't know which one I want more. I'm leaning slightly towards MOM because I have studied WSH in school and I know that I can apply that for my interview. But I don't know what to say for my interview with the police.We'll just see what happens...And then, just this morning, I received a call from Mendaki asking me whether I'd be interested to become a permanent tutor for 2 classes, teaching English. I didn't reply straight away because I was too surprised that they'd be offering me a permanent class so soon. But again, after some urging from my mother, I called them back and accepted the offer. I will be starting this Saturday, teaching English to Sec 1 and 2 express classes at Siglap Secondary School. And I'll be paid $84 a week.I'm nervous and excited. Nervous because I hope that they're not mean kids. And excited because I'll be teaching!I'm still in a daze because 3 things has happened, and it's not even Friday yet!!!
This is me
BORN: 7 July 1987
AGE: Do the math
LIKES: Cats...like duh...my blog url??? And SUPERNATURAL!!!!
DISLIKES: Hypocrites
These are just the basic things about me...if u wanna know more, just ask me.